Project+1+Revision


 * Improving Our Nation's Public School Systems**

//It is often said that// the United States needs to revamp our education system. But what I have always wondered about that statement was what exactly do people mean when they say this? There is no question in the fact that our public education system is in critical condition, but who is responsible to take the initiative to fix it is not so crystal clear. I personally think that this responsibility is in the hands of our government. There are many different aspects of our education system that I feel need to be changed in order for there to be any progress toward a brighter future. The government needs to stop cutting our education budget, provide ways for everyone to have an equal chance at continuing on to higher education, lower the cost to attend college, and provide resources to teachers that will enable them to help our children succeed.

For some reason our states governments feel the need to cut our education budgets. In 2009, about 20 states applied cuts to K-12 education (cbpp.org).Also in 2009, at least 28 states made cuts to public colleges and universities or raised tuition to make up for insufficient funding. The consequences in doing this means that important programs are being cut from schools. In my experience, sports teams are one of the first things to go to save money. Programs like afterschool tutoring are also being cut and that will have lasting effects on the students who rely on that free tutoring. Personally, I think that if we want our education system back on track, then what we need is to add more extracurricular activities like tutoring and sports so that we can have well rounded students instead of giving them the bare minimum of classes. All of the states need to work out a plan that will pour money into our education budget instead of taking money out.

Everybody who wants to continue on with their education should have the opportunity to do so. //One implication of this// idea //is that// low income families do not have the adequate finances to allow their children to do this. In my opinion, I believe that every state should offer more financial support to those who need it. It has been my experience that the financial aid office doesn’t get an accurate view of who actually needs funds and who doesn’t. I say this because to the financial aid office it looks like I don’t need help paying for college because they think my parents make enough money to help me. In actuality, my parents have all kinds of bills that they need that money for so they can’t afford to help me with my college expenses. This means that I have to take out large sums in student loans just so that I can get an education. Collecting a great amount of debt is not exactly what I had in mind when deciding to go to college.

Making higher education more affordable is one of the ways to help improve our system. According to surveys done by the College Board, the average cost for tuition per year to attend a public four-year university is $7,605 (Collegeboard.com). I pay over $1,000 more than that to attend Washington State University. To attend a public two-year college the average cost is $2,713 per year (Collegeboard.com). If you go to school out of state, then you will pay almost twice as much as the regular amount. I feel that if getting a higher education was cheaper than more people would have the opportunity to continue their education. Many students, including myself, would be able to connect to this issue on a more personal level due to the fact that we have to take out lots and lots of loans to pay for our education.

An article in The New York Times called “Five Ways to Fix America’s Schools” talks about different strategies to improve our education system. The author, Harold O. Levy who was the New York City schools chancellor, states five points that could help put our education back on track. To summarize his five points, he says to make children stay in school until their 19 instead of 16 so that they will get one year of post-secondary education that was paid for by the state, use high pressure tactics to get rid of truancy, advertise aggressively to not only high school students but also to adults, unseal college accreditation reports so that students find out everything they need to know before making the big decision of where to go, and last but not least parents need to make sure that their kids are getting an appropriate education that is suitable for them to pursue the option of post-secondary education (nytimes.com). //On one hand, I agree with Levy// that something needs to be done to keep kids in school longer. //But on the other hand, I think// that putting that kind of regulation on children may not make the dropout rates any better.

One of the most important aspects of our children’s education is their teachers. I believe that in our society our teachers are way undervalued. I don’t think that people realize what teachers have to go through on a daily basis. Teachers definitely need to be paid more than they do right now. We need to make it a goal to hire more teachers instead of laying them off by the dozens. It doesn’t do our children any good if they are in a classroom where they aren’t able to get individual attention. Also, teachers should receive a classroom budget where they are able to provide certain things in the classroom for the students to use. In the kindergarten classroom that I volunteered in, the teacher had to use her money to buy supplies for the class like crayons and markers. I think this is unacceptable. We need to provide our country’s teachers with the best supplies we can give them so that they can give our children a proper education.

Even though it is very obvious to me that our education system is in critical condition there may be some people out there who say that our education system is doing just fine. In their opinion, the U.S. is just starting to compare our education system to that of other countries like China, which makes us look like we aren’t doing as well as we could be doing. An argument can be made that there are many people who do graduate high school and college and become professionals in the careers of their choice and that we have always had students who haven’t done well in school. According to an article talking about high school dropout rates, in the years between 1972 and 2009 the dropout rates have decreased from 15 to eight percent. However, I feel that even though the dropout rates have been getting better the students who graduate aren’t getting the full benefit of their education. In my opinion, schools are just making it easier for students to graduate so that they look like they are doing really well. It’s good that the dropout rates are getting better, but the education that is being taught is not up to par. A lot of the kids who graduate from high school are not able to go to college because they either weren’t taught well enough in high school or they just can’t afford to go. So just because more students are graduating from high school doesn’t mean that they are getting an adequate education.

The government really needs to step up and take action to stop the budget cuts, make post-secondary education more attainable to everybody, and to provide our teachers with the resources they need. A proper education is super important and I just don’t understand how our country can put the problem with education on the back burner. I honestly believe that if these necessary steps were taken that we could dramatically improve the way our school systems work. I have confidence in the fact that we will again soon be making little child prodigies all over the country.

Works Cited

“High School Dropout Rates.” Childtrendsdatabank.org. Web. Feb. 2011.

__Assignment__ +good language +stays fit to meet all requirments still __Focus__ +title fits well +main body paragraphs coordinate great to your thesis __Organization__ +Flows nicely for the reader +good length to fit in your arguments and supporting examples __Support__ -try to get more works cited entries you could also add in how UW will accept an out of state 3.7 student over in state 4.0 just to get more money __Proofreading__ -"Even though it is very obvious to me"- (2nd to last paragraph) take out the "to me" part because its similar to "in my opinion" which I'm pretty sure we arent supposed to use in this paper, but check with Deome I could be wrong since this is an editorial.. +good editing on grammer in this revision
 * Alyssa Pavel:**

Sawyer Werner

Assignment meeets all of the requirements fits the genre

Focus each paragraph stays focused You jump around alot between nigh school and post secondary

Organization Good intro, body, and conclusion transitions well

Support need to cite the rest of your sources good naysayer

Proofreading free of errors well written

Andrew Tierney Review for 2nd draft:

Assignment + This paper accurately met the project requirements, well thought out revision that clearly gets the point across to the readers +Very well written, suggestions and references are made throughout the paper that support your opinion on this matter Focus +The paper stays on topic and continues to take apart the issue of public educations as it continues to become a larger problem in the US +Very good thesis I thought, it grabbed my attention from the beginning and kept me intrigued till the conclusion. You cleared up any mis-phrased parts and everything stays on focus +The paper’s purpose was clearly stated in the essay. Your personal experiences that you talk about really help your paper and add firsthand knowledge on the subject Organization +The intro, body, and conclusion have been well developed and elaborated in this 2nd draft +Paragraphs flow nicely from one to the next and there was no sudden jump in focus +The conclusion effectively concludes the essay and also recommends what needs to be done to fix this deteriorating problem Support +Appeals to authority are made that question what our government and community is doing to address the problem of available and accessible education. +The wide variety of sources that were used really help strengthen your paper and give it strong ethos., great job! Proofreading +Paper is free of grammatical errors and had been read through multiple times to insure everything flows right and makes sense to the reader +Really liked the 2nd draft of your paper and everything has been put together with thought and preporation.

Well thought out revision!